Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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