You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
