My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
