Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
