how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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