I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
