Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
