I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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