She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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