false alarm. still invincible.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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