I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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