Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
