Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
