She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
