That's intense
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
