I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
