watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
where does the pee come out of this thing
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
