my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
