Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
