You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
