i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
