i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
