You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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