I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
