well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
