maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
