I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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