His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
