He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
