so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
