Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
