M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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