the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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