my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
