There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
