My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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