You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
