hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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