just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize