Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize