I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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