Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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