omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
