I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
