i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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