If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
