just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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