Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you will always have a special place in my vag
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i think im in europe. pls send help
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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