I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
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