I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
