she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just gargled with NyQuil
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
