just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize