If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize