how can u be prego again
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
