I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
