That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
