Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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