it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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