i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
