I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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