I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
