i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
