he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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