It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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