Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize