idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
